I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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