Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
