ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
