i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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