I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
