the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
