rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
