dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
