a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
