i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
