So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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