I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
