Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
