You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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