Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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