Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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