how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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