What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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