In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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