You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
