Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He did a backflip because drugs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
