Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
