Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
