I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
