How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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