I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
