So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
