that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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