Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
