I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
