i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
