that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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