just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
