I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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