Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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