sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
