She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize