"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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