It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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