Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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