Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
