True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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