I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
