I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
