Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
