I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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