He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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