These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
