I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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