While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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