i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
