Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
