i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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