Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
