No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
