Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
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so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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