turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Your penis caused this!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
