I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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