Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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