So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
vagina is talking i cant
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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