I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have fence marks all over my body
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
