The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
