Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
