I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
