You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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