K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
