I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
