I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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