i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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