I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
