wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
