She is in my trunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
