After last night, I could never be a politician.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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