Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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