Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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