I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
