btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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