I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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