were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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