i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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