I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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